Reacting To Five-Star Reviews of Books I Hated ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜‡

Happy Friday, everyone!

I’ve been spending all week correcting exams and feverishly working on my thesis, which needs to be handed in only a month from now. Where did all the time go?! I’m seriously starting to panic a bit because I have so much left to write, as well as some major proofs that are probably still going to come my way… ๐Ÿ˜ซ

Anyway, since I’ve already spent most of my waking hours writing like crazy, I thought I’d make things a bit easier for myself today and let other people do the writing for me! Yes, I’ve finally decided to jump on the bandwagon and do what pretty much everybody has already done by now. Today, I’ll be reacting to five-star reviews for some of my least favorite books ever!

So get out the popcorn, grab a blanket, and listen up, because I’ve got quite a few unpopular opinions to share!

Just, please, don’t hate me too much afterwards? ๐Ÿฅบ

Book #1: The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger

๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ I mean, as much as I hate The Catcher in the Rye, I’ll have to give it to you, Matt. This review is pure gold! It really is. The only thing missing to convince me that you’re the real Holden Caulfield and not just some phony are a few descriptions of your roommate clipping his toenails.

Though I guess you shouldn’t put too much store in my opinion. I’m definitely not an athletic bastard – I can’t even throw a ball further than twenty meters – so since this book was 100% not for me, the only logical conclusion is that I’m a phony myself. It’s depressing. It really is.

Book #2: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by John Tiffany, Jack Thorne, and J.K. Rowling

(My rant on this one might include some spoilers… But if you haven’t read Harry Potter by now, are you really ever going to?)

I mean, I pretty much wanted to cry after reading this, too. Just for very different reasons ๐Ÿ˜ญ

I’m glad you loved this, Liz, but I honestly don’t understand. Did you not read about that trolley witch? Or the moldy blanket? Cedric’s deadly aspirations? Ron being so drunk at his wedding that he couldn’t remember it? Ginny putting the family on a candy diet? Or Voldemort and Bellatrix, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G?

Everything about this book was absolutely awful, and it tried its best to destroy a world I love more than anything ๐Ÿ˜ค

Thankfully, though, it’s definitely not canon. And I have proof: Don’t you think Hermione might have noticed Bellatrix being heavily pregnant when she took that Polyjuice Potion to impersonate her in Deathly Hallows?

Book #3: Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

… and so on. I love that you love long reviews as much as I do, Richard, but since this one exceeds my snipping tool’s capabilities, I’m unfortunately going to have to cut you off here.

Still, I think we get the gist. Having read Heart of Darkness makes you feel accomplished, doesn’t it? The writing was bad, and the book was so metaphorically packed that you needed an extra study guide to even be able to enjoy it. Sounds like a real crowd-pleaser to me ๐Ÿ™„

I’m sorry, but being shorter than Moby Dick and exploring unanswerable philosophical questions just isn’t going to cut it. Especially when this book has some of the most racist portrayals of Africa that I’ve ever come across. I know Conrad also used the book to shed light on some of the horrors related to colonialism, but that’s no excuse!

Heart of Darkness is, without a doubt, my least favorite read of all time. Never have I hated a book more, and, to be honest, Richard, I do not agree with you that people have to have read it if they want to consider themselves well-educated. We need to stop snobbily putting books on a pedestal because some literary critic hundreds of years ago praised them to the skies, and think for ourselves whether they are actually good or not! And, in my most humble opinion, Heart of Darkness doesn’t make the cut.

Book #4: The White Rose by Amy Ewing

I’m a little unsure how to respond to you, Nonah, because this book was so mind-numbingly boring that I banished almost all memories of it from my mind. Like, who were Raven and Garnet again? ๐Ÿค” And did the mediocre writing somehow entice me to skim-read and miss out on all that excitement you mention? Because I honestly don’t remember there being any.

I thought The Jewel, which is kind of like a YA fantasy version of The Handmaid’s Tale, showed promise when I read it back in the day. A musical girl forced to bear an heir for some snobby entitled rich people? How can you not root for her?

But The White Rose? It managed something few other books have and made me DNF a series even though I only had one book left. All I can say is that I’m glad you liked it so much, but I most definitely didn’t ๐Ÿ™ˆ

Although I do agree with you that the duchess (and the cliffhanger) was awful. I remember that much.

Book #5: The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan

You’re not wrong, Stephen. This book certainly challenged me with its many allegories and metaphors of the Christian life. It’s subtlety and nuance simply blew me away. Like, it had a main character named Christian, I wonder what that meant? ๐Ÿง

The Pilgrim’s Progress is so in-your-face and overcrowded with biblical references that it bored me to tears. And then you basically have to read the same story twice, because Christian’s wife Christiana follows in dear Christian’s burdenous footsteps and does everything he did all over again!

Maybe I’m just too agnostic to get it. But then again, I do love The Chronicles of Narnia, and those are technically full of Christian allegory, too…

Book #6: Queen of Shadows by Sarah J. Maas

You’re welcome to take all of them, Maria! Truly, I don’t mind!

As conquest-hungry and self-centered as Aelin is in this one, I most definitely do not want her as my boss, and Rowan’s sudden male-smileyness is a huge reason why I think the Throne of Glass series started going decidedly downhill from this book onwards. In fact, Queen of Shadows felt very much like Sarah had completely forgotten where this series had started out and had started blending it with the ACOTAR-world instead. And speaking of – after A Court of Silver Flames, I am more than willing to give Rhysand to you, too!

In fact, I didn’t really care much for any of these characters. The only one worth reading about was Chaol, and both you and Sarah apparently thought he wasn’t worth mentioning anymore now that Rowan was in the picture ๐Ÿ™„

Book #7: Golden Son by Pierce Brown

Patrick, as much as I love your books – or, at least, the parts of your books that don’t include Felurian – I’m afraid we disagree. On a lot. I mean, sure, I didn’t listen to the audiobook, but I highly doubt even Morgan Freeman would have managed to make this book seem alluring to me.

Golden Son was not excellent. Since we never get to see what he’s thinking and his secret plans always get revealed in these grand “plot twists”, Darrow is one of the most frustrating protagonists I’ve ever come across. There was so little character development that I was bored to tears. And the women in this book were even more annoying than your very own Denna.

Also, what are you doing writing book reviews when there’s Doors of Stone to finish, huh?

So yeah – do you hate me now? ๐Ÿ˜… Or do we have a few unpopular opinions in common? I would love to know your thoughts down below, especially if you’ve read any of these books yourself!

Also, what is your most despised book of all time? I am always here for a good book rant, so if you’ve got one, feel free to share it in the comments!

36 thoughts on “Reacting To Five-Star Reviews of Books I Hated ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ˜ˆ๐Ÿ˜‡

  1. Riddhi B. says:

    Ooh I loved this post!! I did an opposite version of this one recently- reacting to poor reviews of books I loved, but yeah I want to do this version too, someday.
    So, I haven’t read most of the books here, but I agree about Cursed Child! It was so stupid and senseless!
    As for ToG, I actually now see why people hate, but like I don’t hate it. So, I get why you said what you said.

    All the best for your thesis!

    Liked by 1 person

    • abookowlscorner says:

      Haha, I really liked your post, too, but I guess I just didn’t want to deal with a bunch of hate towards my faves on top of all my thesis stress! So I decided to do the hating myself ๐Ÿ˜œ
      Seriously, though, “stupid and senseless” is just about the perfect description of Cursed Child. IT DID NOT NEED TO EXIST!! Just, why??! ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซ๐Ÿ˜ซ
      If it makes you feel any better, ToG is definitely still a million times better than Cursed Child – or Heart of Darkness, for that matter ๐Ÿ™„ – so I can see why people like the series. I’m glad you liked Queen of Shadows a lot more than I did! This way, you can have that and I can take Addie LaRue ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. jan @ thedoodlecrafter says:

    Voldemort and Bellatrix, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚
    I love this post!! Haha I mostly felt neutral about the cursed child, I didn’t like it but I didn’t HATE it either (it just felt like very funny fan fiction lol)

    Liked by 1 person

    • abookowlscorner says:

      I stand by the fact that that sentence sums up the plot and the level of seriousness The Cursed Child deserves to be treated with perfectly ๐Ÿคทโ€โ™€๏ธ I totally agree that it felt like fanfiction, but, unfortunately, since so many people keep insisting it’s canon, it infuriates me more than I think it’s hilarious!! ๐Ÿ˜ค It’s just soooo bad and utterly ridiculous! ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿ˜ญ
      Still, I’m glad you didn’t think it was horrible and that you at least got a few laughs out of it! ๐Ÿ˜„

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Rachel says:

    Once upon a time, a tween Rachel was obsessed with Harry Potter. All the books made her go, “Whaaat?! Amazing!” And then she read The Cursed Child, and was like “Uh okayy…”
    So conclusion: yup I do agree with the points you made about the cursed child.
    I haven’t read any of the others, so I’m just gonna leave now, bye and great post!! (three cheers for the abrupt end to the comment)

    Liked by 1 person

    • abookowlscorner says:

      Lololol, “Uh okayy” pretty much sums up how I felt immediately after finishing The Cursed Child, too ๐Ÿคฃ I was so confused that people had seriously marketed THIS as the eighth Harry Potter book, and then, once I started to realize that, yes, this was really the book I’d been eagerly anticipating, my confusion quickly morphed into absolute hatred ๐Ÿ™„ It was so bad!!

      Honestly, though, I don’t think you’re missing out on anything by not having read the others! ๐Ÿ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Line says:

    I feel like I’ve been waiting forever for you to do this post so I made a tiny squeal when I saw the title ๐Ÿ˜‚

    The Catcher in the Rye guy has a point though. What is up with people writing “fuck you” on his book reviews when he isn’t looking? They could at least do it while he was looking, you know. People are awful sometimes. They really are ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

    The Cursed Child review is so weird. Like she doesn’t even explain why she loves it, only that it’s a great addition to the HP world. Excuse me, but I’m gonna need her to elaborate on how completely destroying the HP world makes it a great addition ๐Ÿ˜ค

    I loved that you picked Rothfuss’s review of Golden Son! That is hilarious! I have forgotten pretty much everything about that book but your criticism reminded me why I also hated it, and comparing the women to Denna was perfect! ๐Ÿ˜‚

    I also lost it over Christian and his wife Christiana. Wtf?? I don’t even want to know the name of their kid ๐Ÿ˜‚ But in general, all the reviews of classics you picked sounded so written by men it’s astounding! So yes, let’s not put these books on pedestals just because old men fangirl over them.

    And my most despised book of all time? I really didn’t have one before this year I think, but now it’s a book about someone called January ๐Ÿ™„ I could make an entire post about me being confused about the many 5-star reviews of that book…

    Liked by 1 person

    • abookowlscorner says:

      It’s good to hear me being too lazy to write something myself was something you were actually eagerly anticipating ๐Ÿ˜‰ Though I’m not going to pretend I didn’t enjoy this ๐Ÿ˜ I might have to do it again at some point, since ranting about awful books is oddly therapeutic…

      You and The Catcher in the Rye guy are so right, though. Be rude to people openly, is what I always say. It’s the best strategy. It really is. Especially when there’s still a computer screen between you ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

      And I know! What on Earth was a great addition to the HP world about that book??? ๐Ÿ˜ค I mean, I guess Scorpius was alright, but thatโ€™s just about the only positive thing I can come up with. And he probably only shines in comparison because the rest was so awful… My guess is that if Liz had really thought about it and tried to elaborate on Cursed Child’s greatness, that rating might have sunk very quickly…

      I’m also glad you picked up on the Rothfuss thing because when I saw he had written a review for Golden Son, I immediately knew I’d struck gold ๐Ÿคฃ To be honest, I’m not surprised he liked it, because between Denna and Felurian, I have a hard time believing that the guy has ever successfully imagined himself in a woman’s position. And he’s no stranger to protagonists who think they’re basically God, either… ๐Ÿค”

      And gosh, yes, the Christian and Christiana thing was so STUPID! Though I guess Bunyan ran out of variations of Christian by the time he got to the kids because they all had regular names like Matthew and Samuel and stuff. Still very biblical, of course, and the children were naturally all horribly pious as well, but at least there wasn’t a Christian Jr…

      But boy, I sure know now how to write a review if I ever want to fool people into thinking I’m a snobby old man! First, claim that reading the book is absolutely crucial because, as all the critics say, any well-educated person needs to have read it, and then go into detail about why all its flaws actually make the book brilliant and anyone who didn’t understand them stupid. Like, seriously, next time my Russian teacher marks something as awkward in one of my essays, I’ll just say, “Well, Russian is my fifth language, but my fourth language is French, which lends a lyric quality to my writing, that, once accommodated, will draw you into my arguments.” ๐Ÿคฎ

      And lololol, if you ever want to dedicate an entire post to picking apart five-star reviews on The Ten Thousand Doors of January, I’m all here for it! Your rants about that book are always hilarious, and I definitely don’t plan on ever reading it ๐Ÿ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • Line says:

        I’m just saying, if you want to just do posts like this until you hand in your thesis, I won’t be complaining ๐Ÿ˜ I know you love to rant!

        I think you’re right about Scorpius. He probably wouldn’t have been that memorable had he been in the original series.

        And I’m relieved that there were no more Christians in that book. I was also afraid that, in desperation, the author would have gone for Jesus but he probably figured it was a bit too obvious ๐Ÿ˜… Christian isn’t obvious of course.

        “..but my fourth language is French” ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚ Like that guy suddenly mentioning Moby Dick in comparison just because it’s shorter. HOW is that relevant??? He’s just bragging about having read Moby Dick!

        It’s tempting to make such a post about The Ten Thousand Doors of Januray but it does seem a bit mean, so I might have to do this kind of post again so I can hide it between my hate for some other books as well ๐Ÿ˜ I’m sure there are also 5-star reviews of The Bird King.

        Liked by 1 person

        • abookowlscorner says:

          I mean, I AM severely tempted ๐Ÿคฃ I originally wanted to write a discussion post for today, but the thought of organizing everything into something coherent after hours of already thinking and typing was extremely off-putting… So I might also have to do the reacting to one-star reviews of my favorite books version, at least ๐Ÿ˜

          Oh, and don’t worry – Jesus wouldn’t have worked anyway because the whole point of that book is making devout Christians see themselves in Christian. They need to realize that, in order to absolve themselves from sin and find their way to God, they have to go on pilgrimages filled with hardship and sorrow. Jesus would have been too perfect and unafraid to serve as an ideal Puritan role model, so Christian, Christiana, and the rest of their wonderfully named friends were much better ๐Ÿ˜‡

          And I am also inclined to think Richard was just bragging about having read Moby Dick ๐Ÿ™„ However, since I’ve never read it myself, maybe I’m just too uncultured to see its true significance for this review. You might need a well-educated mind for that, you know.

          Also, I am sure you can come up with a lot of awful books to make that post even better, so I’d say go for it! ๐Ÿคฃ I definitely haven’t exhausted my supply yet, so I’m sure this is a post that can be done several times ๐Ÿ˜‰

          Liked by 1 person

          • Line says:

            I imagine reacting to the 1-star reviews will be quite painful for you but I would still love to see it ๐Ÿ˜‡

            And about Richard and his Moby Dick obsession, well I haven’t read either of the books so I’m definitely not educated enough to even speak out against him. I probably shouldn’t even have a blog because I’m just that stupid ๐Ÿ˜‚

            Liked by 1 person

  5. Siena says:

    This is a great idea for a post! I hated Cursed Child as well, so I 100% agree with what you’ve said about it. I’m still bitter about what they did to the trolley witch, how could they make her so horrible!

    Liked by 1 person

    • abookowlscorner says:

      Yes!! The poor trolley witch deserved so much better!!! As did just about every other character in that stupid play ๐Ÿ˜ค As much as I don’t want to wish bookish disappointment on anyone, I’m relieved to hear our community mostly seems to be in agreement about The Cursed Child’s awfulness ๐Ÿ˜‡ I just don’t understand how any true Harry Potter fan could ever love that book!

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Strawberrys Corner says:

    Sometimes reading good reviews of books you dislike can be a great time and this was hilarious, loved the reviews and your reactions, especially to Cursed Child! ๐Ÿ˜‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • abookowlscorner says:

      It was surprisingly easy, although I did have to hold myself back and not get too critical of people’s reading tastes in some cases ๐Ÿ˜‚ Never having read any Murakami – although I do want to eventually – I can’t speak on 1Q84, but now I’m super intrigued about what makes you hate it so much ๐Ÿง๐Ÿ˜„ So if you ever want to do your own version of this post, feel free to go ahead!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Diana @ Thoughts on Papyrus says:

        I admire people who are not afraid to voice their opinions, especially negative. That’s what discussions, blogs and goodreads, etc. are there for so we can all share our true and naturally different opinions on books.

        If you are interested in my unpopular opinion on 1Q84, I wrote a very negative review of it (I am sure any Murakami fan is probably ready to kill me as a result) :), but I also believe all my points are more or less logical and somewhat valid ๐Ÿ™‚ –

        Liked by 1 person

        • abookowlscorner says:

          Yes, exactly! Even when I liked a book, I sometimes think it’s fascinating to go see other people’s negative reviews of it ๐Ÿ˜ Sure, sometimes I’ll get a little defensive, but on the whole, it’s fun to see how different people take so many different things away from one and the same story!

          And I am definitely checking out that review of yours! Rants are always my type of thing ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚

          Liked by 1 person

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