Happy Friday, everyone!
I’ve been spending all week correcting exams and feverishly working on my thesis, which needs to be handed in only a month from now. Where did all the time go?! I’m seriously starting to panic a bit because I have so much left to write, as well as some major proofs that are probably still going to come my way… 😫
Anyway, since I’ve already spent most of my waking hours writing like crazy, I thought I’d make things a bit easier for myself today and let other people do the writing for me! Yes, I’ve finally decided to jump on the bandwagon and do what pretty much everybody has already done by now. Today, I’ll be reacting to five-star reviews for some of my least favorite books ever!
So get out the popcorn, grab a blanket, and listen up, because I’ve got quite a few unpopular opinions to share!
Just, please, don’t hate me too much afterwards? 🥺
Book #1: The Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I mean, as much as I hate The Catcher in the Rye, I’ll have to give it to you, Matt. This review is pure gold! It really is. The only thing missing to convince me that you’re the real Holden Caulfield and not just some phony are a few descriptions of your roommate clipping his toenails.
Though I guess you shouldn’t put too much store in my opinion. I’m definitely not an athletic bastard – I can’t even throw a ball further than twenty meters – so since this book was 100% not for me, the only logical conclusion is that I’m a phony myself. It’s depressing. It really is.
Book #2: Harry Potter and the Cursed Child by John Tiffany, Jack Thorne, and J.K. Rowling
(My rant on this one might include some spoilers… But if you haven’t read Harry Potter by now, are you really ever going to?)
I mean, I pretty much wanted to cry after reading this, too. Just for very different reasons 😭
I’m glad you loved this, Liz, but I honestly don’t understand. Did you not read about that trolley witch? Or the moldy blanket? Cedric’s deadly aspirations? Ron being so drunk at his wedding that he couldn’t remember it? Ginny putting the family on a candy diet? Or Voldemort and Bellatrix, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G?
Everything about this book was absolutely awful, and it tried its best to destroy a world I love more than anything 😤
Thankfully, though, it’s definitely not canon. And I have proof: Don’t you think Hermione might have noticed Bellatrix being heavily pregnant when she took that Polyjuice Potion to impersonate her in Deathly Hallows?
Book #3: Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad
… and so on. I love that you love long reviews as much as I do, Richard, but since this one exceeds my snipping tool’s capabilities, I’m unfortunately going to have to cut you off here.
Still, I think we get the gist. Having read Heart of Darkness makes you feel accomplished, doesn’t it? The writing was bad, and the book was so metaphorically packed that you needed an extra study guide to even be able to enjoy it. Sounds like a real crowd-pleaser to me 🙄
I’m sorry, but being shorter than Moby Dick and exploring unanswerable philosophical questions just isn’t going to cut it. Especially when this book has some of the most racist portrayals of Africa that I’ve ever come across. I know Conrad also used the book to shed light on some of the horrors related to colonialism, but that’s no excuse!
Heart of Darkness is, without a doubt, my least favorite read of all time. Never have I hated a book more, and, to be honest, Richard, I do not agree with you that people have to have read it if they want to consider themselves well-educated. We need to stop snobbily putting books on a pedestal because some literary critic hundreds of years ago praised them to the skies, and think for ourselves whether they are actually good or not! And, in my most humble opinion, Heart of Darkness doesn’t make the cut.
Book #4: The White Rose by Amy Ewing
I’m a little unsure how to respond to you, Nonah, because this book was so mind-numbingly boring that I banished almost all memories of it from my mind. Like, who were Raven and Garnet again? 🤔 And did the mediocre writing somehow entice me to skim-read and miss out on all that excitement you mention? Because I honestly don’t remember there being any.
I thought The Jewel, which is kind of like a YA fantasy version of The Handmaid’s Tale, showed promise when I read it back in the day. A musical girl forced to bear an heir for some snobby entitled rich people? How can you not root for her?
But The White Rose? It managed something few other books have and made me DNF a series even though I only had one book left. All I can say is that I’m glad you liked it so much, but I most definitely didn’t 🙈
Although I do agree with you that the duchess (and the cliffhanger) was awful. I remember that much.
Book #5: The Pilgrim’s Progress by John Bunyan
You’re not wrong, Stephen. This book certainly challenged me with its many allegories and metaphors of the Christian life. It’s subtlety and nuance simply blew me away. Like, it had a main character named Christian, I wonder what that meant? 🧐
The Pilgrim’s Progress is so in-your-face and overcrowded with biblical references that it bored me to tears. And then you basically have to read the same story twice, because Christian’s wife Christiana follows in dear Christian’s burdenous footsteps and does everything he did all over again!
Maybe I’m just too agnostic to get it. But then again, I do love The Chronicles of Narnia, and those are technically full of Christian allegory, too…
Book #6: Queen of Shadows by Sarah J. Maas
You’re welcome to take all of them, Maria! Truly, I don’t mind!
As conquest-hungry and self-centered as Aelin is in this one, I most definitely do not want her as my boss, and Rowan’s sudden male-smileyness is a huge reason why I think the Throne of Glass series started going decidedly downhill from this book onwards. In fact, Queen of Shadows felt very much like Sarah had completely forgotten where this series had started out and had started blending it with the ACOTAR-world instead. And speaking of – after A Court of Silver Flames, I am more than willing to give Rhysand to you, too!
In fact, I didn’t really care much for any of these characters. The only one worth reading about was Chaol, and both you and Sarah apparently thought he wasn’t worth mentioning anymore now that Rowan was in the picture 🙄
Book #7: Golden Son by Pierce Brown
Patrick, as much as I love your books – or, at least, the parts of your books that don’t include Felurian – I’m afraid we disagree. On a lot. I mean, sure, I didn’t listen to the audiobook, but I highly doubt even Morgan Freeman would have managed to make this book seem alluring to me.
Golden Son was not excellent. Since we never get to see what he’s thinking and his secret plans always get revealed in these grand “plot twists”, Darrow is one of the most frustrating protagonists I’ve ever come across. There was so little character development that I was bored to tears. And the women in this book were even more annoying than your very own Denna.
Also, what are you doing writing book reviews when there’s Doors of Stone to finish, huh?
So yeah – do you hate me now? 😅 Or do we have a few unpopular opinions in common? I would love to know your thoughts down below, especially if you’ve read any of these books yourself!
Also, what is your most despised book of all time? I am always here for a good book rant, so if you’ve got one, feel free to share it in the comments!